Few things are eternal.

They wont die with time and situations.

They will never fad away.

How can i kill my soul and my emotions for you.

No...Never...No

I love you and will keep loving you till the end of eternity.

:)

:*

Bikra pada hai Pratibimb

Bikhra pada hai Pratibimb ya shayad nam hai sat mera,

kuch geela kuch sookha, kuch tapta kuch bhujta,

kuch nabh shwet sa kuch nabh saanjh sa...

hai peetaraa sapno ka uddhdaa sa aur khwaabo ki ginti bhi nahi,

kuch dehte kiley lehro se aur kuch palko se udte...

choraho ki sadken aur maddham se raste,

faasley labo ke aur kuch mannate kisi benaam ke vaste,

bada shehar aur dewaroo ki sikudan,

ghoot te sannate aur ashant manthan...

kya poochoo kisi peer se, kya poochoo ek ram ek rahim se,

kyo jaljala hai baag main, kyo bachpan bhooka nanga boojhta raakh hai,

kyo mandeero ke darwaje hai band raat main, kyo jagaataa hai koi aarzo toot- te taaro pe,

kyo lahooluhaan hai vo khat sarhad paar se...

chillate kagaaz aur mook ek siyaahi,

berang se rang aur murjaaye man,

kaal ki halchal aur aaj ka ek bhayanak swapn,

jhookti saanse aur ek vishal ban...

kya poochoo main ab kya jaanoo ab

ki ek aas hai zeene ke liye aur ek saans hai marne ke liye,

ek swapn hai adhoora aur kuch neend hai baaki,

ek desh ye hai, ek desh vo hoga,

chalti hogi hawa wanha bhi, yanha bhi koi dam todta hoga...

.......................................................................................................

.......................................................................................................

.......................................................................................................

its 04:30 am.
i am not getting any sleep...
lord u there?
if u r there then wake up...
dawn is here...
i wanna sleep now...
done with edit. nothing more to do now. damn.....agrhhhh....should i go on a ride...

ooops...

oh ooops....
i uploaded one of the videos on youtube...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIfSdB1IEHo
anugam ke naam se search karoge to bhi mil jayega....
i love this song...
i love this art...
oh shut up u corner....cant you see i am trying to write something....
i said i am coming...plz...dude..i am coming ya.....corner i'll be there in jus 5 mins...
ok?

well sorry abu the corner thingii...corner calling...
yeah i was saying....
i loved this video...
its my gift to my frnd...
thats it...

corner...agaya be...

ooops...

oh wait

ok whatever....i should go from here...
yes i am coming oh corner....nikal gaya yaar...raaste main hoon...
corner calling...

why

why m i writing so much about my self...why m i exposing my self so much...is it because there is no one to talk....or is it because my lips arrn moving...they are having a perfect kiss of the silence....
i must walk on the path i took...i must stand tall...i must respect my self and my thoughts and whatever i said....i have a long night to pass... look who is calling me....
another corner...yeah...i am coming dear...
bye internet...

New post

nothing is new here...
everything is silent...i think i was the only one who used to talk about it....the silence....and its the silence who is speaking now....
must say....there are no jargons in its speech...and it deep too....woooh... damn...great...killer...

Numb

body is numb... there is some pain on the patches from the last accident.
the back pain is back !
but still i am busy with my work.

the doors

the doors are closed and i am inside the room...
i don have any key to go out in the sun....
Darkness and a complicated kid trying to behave like a man...
Viewfinder is kinda murky now...the net is mellowed from its own search...the phone network...have a new phone now....but the phone is looking like the bride waiting for her man...
Paintings talking to each other about the abortion of the new member...
5 walls looking at each other...they are still connected...windows are hidden behind the curtains...now there is no flower in the balcony.....
oxygen is evaporating slowly...heart is pumping...blood pressure is going insane...i have to see a doctor tomorrow...he might announce my well being...or he might indicate the path to the land of the unheard...pills are on the card...
i might get sleep then...i might sleep...

:(

:(

Soul asylum calling

yes it is...i go and seek for the permission...if i get...then...

Buddham Sharnam Gacchaaami
may there be peace, love and sanity- amen

nothing to say...ink spilled...

I wish I was a clown...

आधे अधूरे - मोहन राकेश और मैं।

कभी कभी एक किरदार नजाने कितने किरदार अपने अन्दर समाय रहता है और कभी कभी कितने किरदार किसी एक में किरदार से मेल खाते नजर आतें है।

में अपने आपको महेंद्र नाथ की जुस्तजू कहूं तो सुकून पल भर के लिए भी नही, में अपने आप को जुनेजा कहूं तो दिल में एक चट्पताहत होती है, अपने आपको सिंघानिया कहूं तो मुश्किल सवालों से अपने आप को घिरा पता हूँ...

अपने आपको यादो के समंदर से निकाल बाहार भी फेंकू तो महेश की आद्र व्यथा लहरों में घुली रेत की तरह बदन से चिपक बहार मेरे दरवाजे के अन्दर आ घुसती है। बड़ी लड़की और छोटी लड़की की लाचारी और बेबसी मुझे उस गाये की याद दिला ती है जो शायद हरी घास देख तो पाती है मगर उस तक पहुचना जर्जर समाज रुपी खूटे को नागुजार है। अशोक शायद मेरी ही उम्र का होगा, उसकी तड़प उसके भड़कते रंग की कमीज से और उसकी सामाजिक द्रष्टि शायद उसकी दाड़ी से झलकती है...हँसी आती है मगर अब मेरे बाल पहले से छोटे है और मेरी दाड़ी भी कम है....

शायद अब में अपनी निद्रा दिन के विचारो में बिता देता हूँ, शायद अब निशा और मेरा नाता सर एक चक्र के सामान रह गया है।

सावित्रीतो जैसे मेरे मंथन की एक पहेली की तरह है, एक ऐसी पहेली जो है तो मेरा एक अंग ही मगर उसे में हमेशा विष और अमृत के तराजू में रख देता हूँ।

नजाने यह सब क्यो हुआ, नजाने यह सब कैसे हुआ, नजाने परिणाम और संघर्ष जीवन के दो छोर रुपी शब्द क्यो है?

अन्तर मन की विवाश्ताओ में घिरा, आत्मन की सोच में विलीन, कर्म और धर्म के दुराहे पे नजाने किस पात यह ज़िन्दगी अग्रसर है। रेत है मुट्ठी में थोडी बहुत या बची है आरजू अभी भी, अन्धकार और प्रकाश से लड़ता, पतंगे से में, बढ़ता चला हूँ.......

शायद भागने की जटिलता और रुकने की दशा है...शायद में भी राकेश की कलम की तरह ही आधा अधूरा बचा हूँ....

आधे अधूरे......

मंथन और एक विचार...
गहन मंथन के भीतर एक प्रकाश की लालिमा, झिल मिल मित्र उसके...कभी सूर्या की भाँती तेज और कभी रात की भाँती गहन.....फ़िर मंथन की दृष्टि और विच्छेद सा संसार, गिरते पड़ते सच और मिलते जुलते झूठ, एक विभाजन काले और सफ़ेद का, एक विभाजन मन और अन्तर मन का।
घूमती धारा और नींद भी चुप चाप बिस्तर के इर्द गिर्द, सलवटें और बिन किताब की जिल्द...
मंथन, एक परीक्षा सत्य और धर्म के बीच, मंथन, एक परीक्षा धर्म और कर्म के भीच, मंथन एक परीक्षा मेरे और तेरे बीच....फ़िर एक पल निकला सूक्ष्म सा, निर्मल और चपल, बहेका सा लेकिन और नाजुक सा...
एक और जलती सोच और एक और ठंडी चादर मैं लिप्त एक विचार, एक और असीमित संसार और एक और सीर्फ़ संघर्ष की ललकार....एक तरफ़ है सूर्य और एक तरफ़ एक अध् जला, अध् भुजा, apane aap se ladta jhagadta diya.
manthan to peeliyaa aur kanth bhi baichain hai....ek vichaar abhi bhi hai yanhi, ek vichaar kabhi gaya nahi tha kanhi......ek vichaar ne li pariksha manthan ki aur ek vichaar hai vijeta uss mook aur badheer manthan ka.....ek vichaar hi hai jeet uss apang parantoo jvalant manthan ka.......

न मैं न कोई और...न ज्ञात न अज्ञात,
विरासत है, सोच है, द्रस्तिकोन है....
माटी का बना माटी मैं और फ़िर शेव्त साँस है॥
है लाल मगर वक्त की सुई और साल है शीश ख्वाब का,
है रक्त रणजीत जिस्म और शांत गीत मल्हार का....
न रोक सका कोई सोच को न आज रोक पायेगा,
रक्त तो बहेगा जो स्वप्न को बचायेगा...
देख आत्मन उड्ड चला न खौफ है न राख़ है,
दो हों या तीन हो हाथ,
एक hi मुँह की खायेगा....
चमक हो jo लाल्हात पे वो सूर्या को तपाएगा,
मौत से bhaybheet है कौन, कौन rah se jayega,
ran bhoomi main ek yoddha fir aaj apna sheesh navayega.....
moodi hawa, moodi tapish ki beech main kaun dekhen aayega,
brahm ke satya ke saamne aaj kaun bachayega...

wait...I'll hold on...I'll hold on....for eternity and beyond that......no matter what.....the crystalline structure is made of tiny particles and that's the truth....no matter what...i need to hold on.....the perception will never die....yes the soul will never die...the ashes will be amber....towards the horizon....no hope nothing...but i wont go.....no matter what....I'll hold.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa its pain....oh god damn its pain.........god don't be this way god don't be this damn way.......no no n...............o no no..................i wont go this way...damn i wont....no matter what.......aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggrrrrrrrrrr.........................

the jaws are about to fall and the head is buzzing of its screams....the eyes are falling off and the soul survives....the perception are still strong screaming aloud......wake up you old man...wake up...don just die.....don't you dare close your eyes.......that's it....its enough oh sane mask.....i wont...i am there...i am here...i am still here....breathing continues...

Deception and the lights…
Oh damn, optimism, the deception goes on and on the shores of harmony….the tides taking a leap into the soul of the innocent. The unheard and unseen fear creeping inside the dreams of the fellow soldiers and the eyes are moist and stoned. if only this night could hide itself from the darkness, I would have gone beyond the vision and the piercing lights from the horizon. The sight fainting and the pant sleeping down. The light, I must call it the sinner. In me and in the white flashes of the memory. The sinner laughs the devil, and the sanity driven mankind bows down to the thorns. Not just the mankind but the perception looking behind the ruins, uncomfortable and quite…. Oh damn, the lights falling from the ruins walking back to the one. To me and to none……

i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool
big time i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fooli am a fool i am a fooli am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool i am a fool.................................................................aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

darkness hiding behind the doom of its own colour...the light, the truth, on the other hand is searching for me....i hide again in myself...the perceptions and the vision are not sane though but its not even insane....
why why why why why why why and thouand why....people to me and me to myself.....this is jus not done!!!

And another sun on the shore of hope is about to set...

as i walk back to the land of optimism, the gatekeepers mocking on the shadow...the shadow that is dull and murky, the embers of the aura and the paralysed soul...yes its supposed to be laughed at..

tarajoo zindagi ka aur khwaab behisaab, kabhi kuch kam, kabhi kuch jyaada...
ek palda zindagi aur ek hissab yaad aata hai...
zindagi ka bhaar abhi jyada hai aur khwaab bas khwaab,
kabhi mukkaddar ki baaten, kabhi roti ko ladta ek pyaadaa...
oons ka sheesha din ko to chmakta hai par raat ki tithuran bhi hai
ek chain ki kothri, ek purana bistar yaado ka, ek jhoota darwaja aur tangi ki khidkiya...
bas khwaab hi to the vanha, aur kuch sannate shararato ke...
phir zindagi ka palda bhaari...ek palda mere that ek sach zindagi ka hai....
naseeb walo ko hoga saath apne aap ka, lekin pareshaan hai, na jane kyo...
taro ki beech hai doori, sannato ke beech bhi khaamoshi,
parchaiiyan saath nahi magar vo agal bagal hai vanha,
kabhi parchaiyaan saath thi, najane ab bas iss kadar andhera kyo....
rookhi bhook, sookhti pyaas, nam neend aur khaali gilaas,
ek khidki hai yanha lekin baahaar kuch bhi nahi,
kuch darwaaje bhi hai lekin sadke ab vo nahi,
kuch bhi nahi jeeneko aur marne bhi nahi deti ek aas...
tarajoo ka khel aur ek main,
hilte paldo ki justojoo, sach ki hansi,
ab bas chup hoon is najare pe,kabhi najare bolte the aur aaj kuch nahi...na waqt na main...

In between truth and perception.

There is no moon in the sky or may be its too early for the shine to come pass the clouds filled with something from the pages of the wild dreams, some illusive lies and from some harsh scars from the reality.
On the other hand, days have been the memoirs of rage and rampage. The haul of the ancient past became the soul of the innocent and the tears are just the left over on the tortured cheeks.
The eternal hide and seek is stretching its arm beyond the doom.
Like before, as in present, will be there tomorrow….
The smile is getting weaker and the fake mask is old, dead but smiling its way near the ashes from the past...

!!!...............walk back

lets walk back...to the sanity....to the light within....calling for a ray of light...lying on the shores of the obscured embers of fear....lets walk back....

new year wishes!

lov,

anugam

walk back

lets walk back...back to sanity....to the light within...calling, screaming for a ray to be free...for the eternal freedom lying on the shores of fears....lets wal back....

new year wishes....!
lov,
anugam